S/Z and Ringtone

Critical analysis and I have been dancing around one another. And so, as Jess suggested, I got myself a copy of Roland Barthes S/Z. The French on French literature as I like to think about it. Scholarly doesn't quite cover it. I read Sarrasine, and then read Barthes essay. And while it was ponderous, it began to make sense after the first hundred pages. There are five codes and just so I can show off, I'll review my own interpretation of them:

Hermeneutic: the enigma of the story; the question and the answer

Proaeretic: the actions; the sequence of actions that bring the story along

Semes: the themes that run throughout the story

Symbology: the signs; representations that illustrate and enhance the story

Cultural: references to science, culture, place that place the story

There is some hierarchy to these codes in the sense that some are immutable and some are reversible. That, while an interesting mental exercise, didn't really speak to me. What spoke to me was the fact that all these codes weave throughout a story. And more importantly that all these codes weave throughout MY stories without me thinking about it. Or so I thought. I turned to Ringtone, a story which Jess has described aptly as cliché in its first iteration. And I did some analysis of the first third of the story using the codes. I won't belabor the details, but will insert the analysis in the bottom half of this post. But the outcome was fascinating. The repeated codes as they manifested themselves were as follows:

Proaeretic: Remembering; hoping

Semes: nature of Love; self knowledge; boredom; unrequited; incomplete

Symbology: puppy, child (youth; unknowing)

Cultural: cellphone; modern life; geography; Brands

But the most interesting discovery in this analysis was that there was NO HERMANEUTIC code. The story has no enigma, no question being asked and not answered. There is no seduction in my story about seduction. How interesting! So I have to conclude that the part of the cliché-ness of the story is because there is no question. The story tells itself outright from the very first paragraph and nothing within the story changes that, alters it, flirts with the reader, leads the reader astray. It is, in effect, not a story. Merci beaucoup, Monsier Barthes.

ANALYSIS:

I still can't believe it. (ACT-believe). All these years later, when I look at Brad, when I look at the boys climbing into manhood. I think back to that summer and wonder "what if?" (ACT think back; remember) (REF: Chronology: years later. What if you answered differently, would my life have swirled off in a new direction? (ACT wonder). The torrents of divorced living, uncomprehending looks from the children. (SEM: Divorce). The drop and run at our own front doors? All of it would have been so full of sharp objects.

I wish you had. (SEM: regret)

I'm not sure I loved you. Not sure to this moment in time that what I felt for you was love or love for myself. (SEM: self) All I know is that you consumed me, like a drug like a disease. And I loved that. (SEM: nature of love )

And everything else that year was noise. Just background. There was only you and me (SEM: intimacy SEM: self and other).

How did it start? Sometimes when I think back, which I do from time to time.(ACT: think back;remembering)) When things here become unbearable. When the sameness and predictability sweeps in like a tide and threatens to carry me to the brink. When I find myself watching television to fill the time. (SEM: loneliness; lost) Often it's a struggle to remember the details. But other times I can feel the sun and my sweat as if I'm still standing on that beach and meeting you for the first time. (ACT: remembering)

Those damn dogs. (SYM: dogs; loyalty) Licorice was the one that almost knocked me over. And you, on that cell phone, that gadget that you loved so much and would become my lifeline. I had escaped the social torment of the office party, everyone at the bar drinking themselves into their next embarrassing act (REF: culture: office party). I had slipped out to walk my precious beach and enjoy the solitude that fall brings the Maine coast (REF: geography SEM: solitude: being with self; self). And then you, looking like a five year old, a ridiculously tall one,(SYM: child, not fully formed) pulled by the dogs in a cartoon-like action sequence. (REF: culture: cartoons) Licorice jumped up on me and his paws, still too big for his puppy frame, planted a huge wet sand paw mark on my new pressed white linen shorts. (SYM: puppy, adolescent, new) SYM: Dogs, loyalty SYM: soiled, white, purity)

You, oblivious, still cajoling whoever was on the phone. Phil, Gerry. It doesn't matter, but when I like to stretch the memory out, sink down into it, I think I can listen to the past deeply enough to discern which one (ACT: remembering). When you finally realized what was happening and your eyebrow furrowed, I saw that small scar. (ACT: furrowed; saw) I didn't know it then, but that scar crept into my mind and nagged at me,(SEM: obsession; ACT: memory) long after you had apologized profusely and called yourself an idiot, and swatted at Licorice and offered to pay for the dry cleaning bill.(ACT: apologize;called; swatted; offered to pay) I waved you off. I was pissed, but didn't want to have the hassle of coordinating with you for what would end up being twelve bucks. I just smiled my totally fake work smile and said it was all good. (ACT: anger: faking)

Of course it wasn't. I mean it was, there was nothing disastrous going on for me. That might have been the problem. If maybe, Brad slapped me every now and then. Or Benjamin had started using drugs, or Jackson was fighting at school. But none of that. My boys, despite me, were well behaved and active grade-schoolers.(SEM: boredom) (ACT: slapped;using; fighting) My husband was a competent medical equipment regional manager heading for a home office career. I had a job in a large corporation where I could come and go whenever I pleased, where colleagues rushed to fill in when a sick child took any one of us away from our responsibilities. (REF: Culture: modern family) Everything was copasetic. (SEM: boredom) And I thought I was happy, not realizing, of course, that I was bored to point of raking my eyeballs with my own nails. (SEM: boredom; self knowledge)

That's what did it. Sure, for the first few months and even years past, I told myself that it "just happened" that we were meant to meet and that Fate brought us together. (SEM: fate) Like Meg Ryan and Tom Hanks in just about any movie you can name.(REF: culture: movies) I wanted so badly to believe that there was such a thing as destiny, that a relationship could exist that didn't involve laundry or dinner plates or electric bills.(SEM: romantic love) But later, when I told myself the truth, I had to admit it. I hunted you down, and made you into the person who would bring me back to life. (ACT: hunted)

Clearly, I didn't plan Starbucks.(REF: culture: Brand) So maybe destiny had a hand in that. (SEM: fate) And even now, when I've assumed responsibility for my actions, I think I was actually annoyed when you gave me that "haven't I seen you before?" bullshit. And then you offered me money again, for the shorts. Pulling out a twenty and trying to get me to take it. Asshole.(ACT: offering money; SYM: money;transaction) But that scar was dancing above your eyebrow, and those graying curls caught me a little. And you were checking me out, and you can't say you weren't because I caught that eye drift that guys do when they are looking but not looking. There was a little spark, somewhere between irritation and excitement.(SEM: attraction) Unnerved I gave you my first name, and you said you were Ira.(

There is something I never told you. In all that time we spent together, all the calls and texting, the walks and coffee meets.(ACT: call, text, walk, meet) I never told you that I went back to the spot. Before we knew each other, before we really knew each other. After Starbucks and before the baseball game. (REF: culture; baseball) I went back to the beach. Brad and the boys went to Boston, some playoff game or something.(REF: culture; baseball REF: Geography: Boston) I stayed behind. I thought maybe I'd call Leah and see if she wanted to hit the outlets. But instead I made cucumber sandwiches; damn I love those things, and filled up my thermos with vodka lemonade.(REF: culture: picnic) I put on the bikini I'd bought in Mexico with Brad, because I'd been working out hard that summer and was feeling that despite my age and two pregnancies my body was still worth showing off a little.(SEM: attraction; body as beauty REF: clothing; beach) Then I promptly dropped my huge mother-on-the-beach cover-up over my head. It never came off. (REF: clothing; cover up, SYM: unrequited desire)

I drove up to Wells. I could have walked down the road to our family beach, but I told myself I needed a change.(REF: geography: Maine) Still denying what anyone standing next to me could have observed. That I was thinking about meeting you.(SEM: self knowledge) I sat on the beach and read and drank. At Starbucks, holding your double espresso, you told me that you walked that beach every day--with the dogs--for Vitamin D. (REF: brand, science: D as healthy) Well either you lied or I arrived too late because that day, Ira, you didn't show. (SEM: unrequited desire) Despite the fact that I had nine solid hours on that beach with my book, I never got past the first chapter. (SYM: book; knowledge SEM: incomplete) Every person that walked by looked like you. Even the women. And as the sun was setting, and my book was cast aside, and the vodka was gone, I had to admit to myself that I had been waiting for you.(SEM: self knowledge) I cried all the way home. Not because of you, exactly, I didn't know you at all. But because I had been so hopeful. I was so ashamed of that hope I couldn't even tell you about it later.(ACT: hoping; shame SEM: boredom; incompleteness)

After that, I lost my mind for a while. I began to see you everywhere.(ACT: lost; see SEM: obsession) At Hannaford's you would disappear around a corner, and then come back as some grumbling old man carrying a bag of prunes. I exhausted myself one morning run by sprinting until I caught up with a tall runner out Ridge Road. It was the boys swim instructor from the YMCA. He was seventeen at the time, and bore no resemblance. But the thought that I would meet up with you? (SEM: hope) That was worth it.

Brad must have sensed something was up. He suggested a spa weekend with Leah. Then a vacation. Then a therapist. "You just don't seem like yourself. You don't seem happy." The extent of how far Brad would ever go emotionally(SEM: incomplete) And I could see in the boys' eyes when I was snapping at them because the interminable and constant chaos of their room annoyed me, that I was acting differently. I stopped running, I stopped cleaning, I even stopped grocery shopping. After three straight weeks of take out dinners, even I knew something had to change.(ACT: stopping; not bringing to completion; running; cleaning; shopping; acting different)